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(you can quote me on that)

Science humor. [06 Aug 2006|10:30pm]

[ mood | amused ]

Me: [comments about not meshing with my randomly-assigned summer roommates]

Andy: I don't think hydrogen and oxygen are ever in bonding moods, but we've got water. Suck it up.


Johnny, on his nine-year-old son's disgust at the idea of sex to make babies:

"Well, I had to."

(you can quote me on that)

Overheard by madhuri567 [08 Jul 2006|02:59am]

[ mood | chipper ]

Girl 1: So my prudish friends are very keen to find out what exactly I've been doing with my boyfriend.
Girl 2: What did you tell them?
Girl 1: I told them that I have been periodically engaging in... what in some cultures in colloquially known as... making out.
Girl 2: Did their heads explode by the time you finished that sentence? The way you drew out the sentence, I was sure you were going to end with "Oral Sex!"
Girl 1: Um, well, yeah, making out does entail that.
Girl 2: What, really? I thought 'making out' referred to above-the-waist activities only.
Girl 1: No, making out is everything but actual penetration.
Girl 2: So you've hit third base then?
Girl 1: Yeah, and then some.
Girl 2: How can you pass third base and not reach home?
Girl 1: Oh, there are ways.

(short pause)

Girl 2: Were you wearing costumes?

(you can quote me on that)

[18 Jun 2006|10:39pm]

ELIZABETH: One day, I want an era of time to be named after me.
COURTNEY: I think one already happened about 400 years ago.
ELIZABETH: Damn the Queen of England! What makes her think she's more important than me, anyway?

(you can quote me on that)

I keep forgetting to post this... [05 Jun 2006|05:51pm]

Overheard in line for the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland last weekend:

9-YEAR-OLD BOY: Hey, Dad, why don't they make a movie out of this ride?

HIS FATHER: [chokes] Uh, son...

(you can quote me on that)

[21 May 2006|12:28pm]

[ mood | complacent ]

Ava: That defies science, and physics, and biology.

(you can quote me on that)

[10 May 2006|03:55pm]

Me to Irving on AIM: "My Mom said She called you on Accident".
Irving: I had to read that Twice... I thought you wrote: "My Mom said She called you an Accident".

(5 eavesdroppings | you can quote me on that)

[06 May 2006|08:26pm]

Overheard in line at the Shrek 4D ride at Universal Studios...

GIRL: What's the difference between 3D and 4D?
HER FRIEND: 4D has one more D.

ME (aside): That's the sort of response I would give, except that girl wasn't being facetious.

(you can quote me on that)

[02 May 2006|02:24pm]

[ mood | amused ]

Andy: I'm still feeling cruel, which probably means it isn't safe yet.

(you can quote me on that)

While watching Mulan and birthday-ing [23 Apr 2006|05:21pm]

[ mood | sleepy ]

Liz: A woman's place is in the home. Only Mulan and Orthodox Jews believe that.

Ava: Don't subjugate yourself, Mulan!
Liz: Don't hate, don't subjugate!

Ava: What the fuck do you mean you're busy, YOU'RE A CAMERA!

(1 eavesdropping | you can quote me on that)

[20 Apr 2006|09:40pm]

Andy explains his desk organization system to me

Andy: You see, I made a cup for pens and a cup for markers.
Courtney: I see.
Andy: Except the other day, I came home and there was a MARKER in the PEN cup.
Courtney: I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention to your system...or notice that there was a system.
Andy: It's like a house of cards.
[long pause, complete with skeptical look from me]
Andy: If one card gets out of whack, the entire house just falls.
Courtney: Yes, except they're pens in a cup, and they don't actually fall.
[Andy drops a cup of pens on the floor]
Andy: There, you see?! It falls.

(you can quote me on that)

[20 Apr 2006|02:40am]

[ mood | amused ]

Jackie: I saw that sign that says "Don't Shut This Door" and I definitely thought it said, "Don't shit on this door"

Jackie's message on my voicemail: "Hi Val. It's 7:30 and you're not here so we figure you either got lost, died, or picked up some guy off the side of the road and you're now doing the horizontal polka. So if it's one of the first two, well I guess you can't call me back if it's the second, anyway, call back."

And out of context...

me: Carlo forgot pants.

(you can quote me on that)

[20 Apr 2006|02:20am]

[ mood | amused ]

Courtney lies. She does have words. As do I. They are as follows.

Courtney: clearly this is the best table ever
Val: I'm amused too
Val: I throw quarters on it...it does not damage!
Courtney: I mean - One day it side table and I put lamp on it?
Val: and I put feet and lamp on it
Val: the next day
Val: feet AND lamp, Courtney
Courtney: It makes me feel like interior design person
Courtney: I KNOW
Val: Strong enough that I and all my friends can stand on it
Val: oh man
Val: excellent. And so do I.

Val: well - you'd want to take your shoes off before standing on that table after all
Val: with all your friends
Courtney: yes
Courtney: yes I would
Val: so it only makes sense that you'd also want a separate entry
Courtney: Andy just got quarters from the bank - we were going to use them for laundry, but I think I'd rather throw them at tables
Val: to see if they damage it?
Courtney: yes
Courtney: our side table IS sort of damaged
Val: test two on the strength of the table, after all
Val: did you throw quarters at it?
Courtney: possibly because we bought it as a floor model
Val: because if you did - clearly defective!
Courtney: from IKEA
Courtney: I have yet to throw quarters at it because you know what - I didn't know I could amuse myself that way
Val: do you think the customers threw quarters at it?
Val: but now you do!
Val: look what you can do with this great new knowledge!
Courtney: and I know I can move it around the room for fun!
Courtney: and put a lamp on it one day
Courtney: and then lamp AND feet the next!
Val: and put a lamp AND feet on the next!

Courtney: finally, we can contemplate the size of the universe!
Val: which I can't do without those chairs
Courtney: no, no you can't
Val: never
Courtney: and you need something to sit on when you want to put feet and lamp on the table

(you can quote me on that)

You buy my table NOW U Like! [19 Apr 2006|11:00pm]

This is an actual furniture ad from Craigslist...

You know, I used to get bored, but now I think I'll just buy a table and one day, put my feet on it for fun.

EDIT: He is also selling

-productive chairs
-a bookshelf
-an astounding bookshelf
-this lovely rattan armchair

I have no words.

(you can quote me on that)

[16 Apr 2006|09:42pm]

[ mood | giggly ]

Jessica to a knuckle-cracking Nick: "When things pop that aren't supposed to, it freaks me out."

Jessica to Nick: "Just stop thinking. It's for the best."

Girl #1: I can't believe you hang out with that guy...All of your friends are such losers!
Girl #2: Well, I hang out with you, don't I?
Girl #1: I think that proves my point more than it does yours.
(Overhead in New York City)

"Ahh... Too much grass in the 60's. Smoke in moderation, you guys." ~ Professor Green, after stumbling over a sentence.

(you can quote me on that)

[11 Apr 2006|11:27pm]

I work in closed captioning, so we basically sit around all day watching TV and typing what they say.

TOM: I know it's been a long day when I start laughing at Andy Milonakis.
ME: Are you feeling all right?
TOM: I may need to seek treatment.

(re: Lilias! Yoga Gets Better With Age [I was captioning the forthcoming DVD])

TOM: I wouldn't argue with that woman. She looks like a mass murderer.

(you can quote me on that)

[10 Apr 2006|11:08pm]

[ mood | okay ]

overheard_brown and overheardnyc make me very happy.


Student activist: ...and here's a sheet with some tips for conserving energy.
Guy: Maybe next we can work on conserving paper.

(you can quote me on that)

[06 Apr 2006|10:22pm]

[ mood | working ]

Professor guy: So if I expose a robot to pornography and martial arts and he becomes a ninja rapist, is that my fault or his?

(you can quote me on that)

Kieu has bought a new cell phone... [22 Mar 2006|08:12pm]

...which can only lead to experimentation with ringtones.

[techno dance music]

COURTNEY: Ooh! You should use that one and keep your phone in your pocket. Then every time it rings, you can exclaim, "There's a party in my pants!"
KIEU (after laughing hysterically for a full 30 seconds): I don't think that's a good idea at all.

(you can quote me on that)

Heh. [21 Mar 2006|11:14pm]

[ mood | stressed ]

Diana: I enjoy freaking out all my male friends by going, "Castration anxiety."

Andy: Do they say "penis envy" back?

(you can quote me on that)

Man, last time, he tried to vacuum up Jimmy with a Dustbuster. [18 Mar 2006|04:09pm]

[ mood | chipper ]

Drunk!Sam: Why can't I get organized and fuck people while I'm drunk?

Drunk!Sam: I send you a hard-boiled baby to aid you in your travels....

Two glasses of wine at work there.

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